Negative Brain Chatter

Once again I'm in Manic mode.....I've slept maybe 3 hours in 48 hours and yet again....I'm still awake.  Toss and turn toss and turn, to hell with it, may as well get up and go back on the computer.  Yet, I know that out there you are sleeping peacefully with lovely dreams or just getting up and getting ready to go to work.   So I sit here and talk to myself.  The whole thing with laying in bed staring up at the ceiling is the negative brain chatter that goes on. 

You can't do this, you can't do that, your not good enough, why bother, ya ya ya de da...I say this to my brain chatter....Fuck Off but yet I still become consumed with it's negative rantings.

It's a catch 22.....running in a circular wheel like a very bored hamster, just running to get somewhere and getting no where.  Nibble some kibble, poop and get back on that wheel.  I sometimes wonder if those poor hamsters become OCD about running on them after awhile.  They must, how boring are their lives.  Oh sure they have some dedicated human who will come to feed them, give them water, clean there cage and maybe if it's a really good week, take them out for some interaction and all the time the hamster is thinking, "GOT TO RUN ON THE WHEEL GOT TO RUN ON THE WHEEL" no wonder the majority of them bite.

And yet there are the crafty little buggers who shake their tiny little paw up at the ceiling and say, "NO!  I WILL NOT BE CAGED TO THIS EXSISTENCE!"  Those are the smart ones that always seem to find a way to escape....Run to the wild, the little hamster Fonze's in there black leather jackets jumping over the shark or cat infested waters on their little ski's. 

I feel like the OCD hamster personally but dream of one day being the hamster Fonze.  If only that negative brain chatter would stop.

That is all.........

Conundrum

I have come to the conclusion that

I have been the outsider, the watcher always looking in,

always yearning to be a part of something bigger,

You fear me, as I am silent or you do not have the compacity to understand

that which is me.

I am the mirror image of you that you do not wish to see,

I am all that is good and all that is bad in this world.

I am the rider in the dark night swinging my lantern for all to see,

but you shut the me out,

what is it that you fear to see

I am the humanity of the lowest forms

the battered, abused

the gentle and cruel

the ugliness of reality

that most wish to turn away from.

The shadow self walking in the light for all to see

is this what you fear

Your crystal castle up on high

blinded by the rays of the sun

I see the radiance

I bathe in it's light

in the underbelly of life

You can choose to walk with your bridled blinders on

but the reality is still the same

we are but mirrored images

we are one in the same

can you accept that?

Dark Thoughts

My mind is as blank as the darkness seeping in threw the pores of my neural connections.

Synapses failing as they struggle to move threw a memory tar pit, fossilised

Ripe for the pick of Psychoanylitical Archeologists

Rant on Discarded Kids

Someone please explain to me how a Mother can discard a child?  Take siblings but throw one out to fend for themselves.....how the hell can someone do that!

It happened to my nephew.  His mother decided when he was 3 that she didn't want him.  Dumped him at my brother's door and left with his two sisters and treated him like garbage all his life.  Do you know what that does to a kid?

At one point I had custody of my nephew for 3 years.  I saw the effects that this did to him and yet, he still loved his mother.  I'm ranting about this because I see it again in one of the neighbor kids.

His mother has chosen her boyfriends over him for years and yet she keeps the other siblings.  This kid goes from house to house in survival mode.  Survival mode involves stealing shit from the very people that are helping you out.  They can't help it as they never know where they will be next.  I'm soooooo angry that he 1. stole from someone helping him out over CHRISTMAS and they are sweet talkers....but 2.....Even more furious that he has been put in the position that he feels the desperation to do it.

I love this kid to death but I wouldn't trust him if my life depended on it.  I want to scream at his mother........just like I screamed at my nephews mother.  I don't understand how any mother could just toss one child away.....Don't have kids then...

I'm angry and very disgruntled with the parents in this world that do this to their kids and heartbroken for the kids themselves...

My Creed, get ready for the Woo Woo..

My Creed

by: Theresa Savina

I have come to the realization that I resonate more toward the Gnostic and Earth based beliefs.

I believe that there is a Creator, God, Higher Power that is more than we could even comprehend. I believe in the balance of this Creator as both male and female, dark and light, good and evil. His presence for me is far reaching from the lowest forms of life on Earth to the highest consciousness in the Universe. I do believe in an alien presence connected to the source. Like all creations they too have good and bad intentions. As to Jesus, I am more prone to think of him as a Consciousness and Satan as the Shadow Self of that Consciousness.

It is hard for me to dismiss evidence of “Light Beings” coming to Earth to assist us with knowledge that can advance us or destroy us. Free Will is where this knowledge is based. Throughout time the evidence is there in artwork, symbols and experiences that are even presented in the bible itself.

The Book of Ezekiel tells of a flying object seen as a fiery whirlwind which when descended to the ground gave the appearance of being made of metal. It is described as among other things a wheel within a wheel containing four occupants or living creatures whose likeness was that of man.

In Genesis, all of humankind was created by two individuals? Makes no sense to me. Science shows that inbreeding after generations can cause some serious defects. Why else would incest be frowned upon in further teachings? Something more plausible to me is implantation by Light Beings of fetus's that was the birth of mankind.

Many UFO abductees have descriptions of eggs and sperm being harvested from them. Some women after an abduction come back pregnant only to be abducted months later and the fetus is removed. This could also explain the theory that the human genome has more non-coding DNA than any other animal known to date and it is not clear why. At least half of the non-coding sequence is made up of recognizable repeated sequences, some of which were inserted by viruses in the past. These repeats may provide some genomic wiggle room. That is, long stretches of non-coding DNA provide a playground for evolution. It may be a huge selective advantage to have all that raw material available to mutate and either modify existing traits and behaviors or express new ones all together. Humans are characterized by the ability to be flexible and to adapt quickly, so our junk DNA is potentially a priceless contribution to our humanness.

I believe this may have been the situation behind the “Virgin” birth. The Angels or Light Beings that spoke to Mary informed her beforehand. I believe that Jesus if an actual person was in fact a hybrid light being along with Buddha, Mohammad, and other “Prophets” sent to give the Word or Knowledge.

In Gnosticism there is a term, “Aeon” which has the definition of One of the class of power or “beings” conceived as emanating from the Supreme Being and performing various functions in the operations of the Universe.

I believe in Reincarnation and that we also contract with the source as to what life we wish to be born into to learn and evolve as a “Soul”.

Just a poem..

The wind blows in secret messages from spirits lips
Divine messages of love and life tips

Do we listen, take it in
Remaining in the Spirals spin

Living in Love and Light
Trusting in your second sight.

What others may fear, I embrace
My destiny is in this place.

The Laughing Jesus

My Book Report for Class.......

Book Report on

The Laughing Jesus – Religious Lies and Gnostic Wisdom

by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy

What first attracted me to this book was the title as I have always felt that the majority of the bible is written by man to suit his needs or beliefs of the individual writing the chapters and therefore based on bias and prejudices.

The book itself is a comparative look at the Gnostic beliefs and the Literalist belief systems. Although for me even the wording in the first half of the book felt as an outright attack of the Literalist beliefs. After reading it, it is almost as if the writers are doing this as shock value putting the paddles on your “dogma” and yelling “CLEAR”.

The Gnostic viewpoint is that what is important is the awakening to spirit or oneness that brings people together whereas the Literalist viewpoint is to divide and separate, keep you asleep in effect and that the Bible is to be followed blindly. Do not attempt to question or interpret for yourself.

The Literalist religions twisted the Gnostic teachings of parables to suggest actual factual people, places and miracles. This book challenges the reader to open their minds and beliefs to find for yourself what resonates for you and not just accept blindly the Literalist viewpoint. Granted it would be difficult in my opinion for a diehard Literalist to get past the “CLEAR” and be open minded concerning the material presented.

The second half of the book presents the Gnostic views. I must admit it was somewhat difficult for me to grasp some of the concepts presented and required me to reread and contemplate each view point but the material resonated very much to me. An “A HA” moment. One of the concepts discussed is Lucid Living. Lucid living is described as, “recognizing that you can see yourself in two entirely different ways in the present moment. You are both the “I” and an “it”. Focus on the reality of this moment and discriminate what you are from what you appear to be.”

The only way so far that I have been able to conceptualize this is to compare it to the movie The Matrix. Where Neo is given the option of taking the red pill or the blue pill. Do you accept your reality for what it is in your experience or do you look closer and within to see that it is all an illusion to control you.

There really wasn't anything I didn't like about the book other than it at times was confusing for me but overall I really liked all the material presented as it does challenge the reader to think for themselves and not to take the Gnostic viewpoint as Literal either. Find your own path and what resonates. Question and Grow and Awaken to your own Truths.

What surprised me the most was that I have been Gnostic all my life without even knowing what a Gnostic is. The arguments presented are the same arguments I have always used when discussing religion with anyone.

I highly recommend this book if anything to challenge your beliefs and “Shock” you into thinking for yourself to find your own Awakening your own Gnosis or “Knowing”.