This blog theme song is: Ride the Pain Now why this one? Well a couple reasons. Everytime we, being the Bee Merry Gals, go on our weekend adventures of healing the land, Shelli makes a trip themed mix CD. This song was on this one and it makes me very happy and bouncy. The other reason you will find if you read further.. Our trip was up in the Northern parts unknown to most people not in state or for me for that matter cause we were way up in Northern Wisconsin of all places yet still on the great Lake Superior. Now if it weren't so friggin cold up on the lake in winter I would gladly live there alas I want to keep my nipples intact.
Our first stop along the way was Spirit Mountain where we have been doing work before. We went up to see the damage from the flooding up there and OMG, it was intense. Where you see my head is where the road should be.. This is where my ride the pain adventure begins. Now for those not in the know I have for 25 years or so had chronic myofasia pain and fibromyalgia along with 2 bulging disks so there is that but two weeks prior to this trip my dog took me on a magical mystery flying carpet ride over the railing of our front steps onto my back and thankfully not onto our smaller dog. So, I am pretty much still in manageble pain right there. sort of. So what does Theresa do? Can you guess? Theresa hears in her head, "Climb down into the ravine by the water Theresa"
So like any spiritually minded person or nut if you will, I listen to said voice and made my way down. Interesting trek fairly easy getting down but then I'm climbing all over these lovely rocks, bending down to collect water, using muscles that are definately in flare up mode from 2 weeks prior and I'm about oh, 2 stories down. Starting to feel it now.
So I look up and think, damn the climb up should be easy right? Yes and no. Climbing over all the rocks with searing pain in my L4 & L5 was the really hard part but once got to solid ground I took my time going up and finally reached the bridge. Whew, sat down for a moment took a Vicodin, 6 Ibuprofen and took a breather. Now we are a tight group and we leave no man behind so Carol hung out with me while I chilled for a minute then got up and made our way back to the van. Off we went....
Travelled over to Wisconsin and saw a very cool windmill then made our way to the cabin. We were in Port Wing right on Lake Superior.
We made our way to one beach area the waves were splashing (a very exciting happy time for me) but yet again I have to climb down stairs to the beach. MOST worth it at this time. I was in rock and driftwood heaven!
Ever see the movie The Dark Crystal? This piece of driftwood reminds me of the highly spiritual being The urRu / Mystics. See the resemblence?
If there had been room in the van you can bet your ass I would have had that driftwood in there. I then walked the beach, note to self: walking in sand really works those muscle we talked about earlier, and Carol spotted some bear tracks and some wolf tracks. So, of course I had to take a picture of me walking with Bear and Wolf.
Get to our little cabin on the lake and we start to unload the vehicles and enjoy the sunset......
By now , I'm really starting to feel it.....but we had to go out to dinner. By the time we did get to the cabin the pain levels were around the 15 level and I would have killed for morphine or a bear to eat me so it wouldn't be an issue anymore. Did I say tears? Oh yes, there were lots of tears.....
So much so that I slept outside in the 3 season type building on the couch by my lonesome. The rest of this blog shall be continued......
Good Morning Students...... Last night I spent at least an hour talking to a friend who come to find out has been withholding inside some serious anger issues. Well deserved it seems as it had to do with an assault by an ex.
(Have I told you Gemini's make excellent therapists and counselors?)
Now, although in public this particular friend appears to be strong, independent and self reliant. What most people don't see is the very wounded, angry woman seething with rage within.
I know the world is all love and light and fa la la la, go away bad feelings, go away but is it really healthy to not acknowledge our negative emotions in a healthy way so that they can truly be transformed into said love and light? I have said it before and I shall say it again.....you have to deal with and embrace your shadow self people. The great news is this! You can do it in a healthy manner and still survive the experience. Unfortunately, many women have had it drummed into their skulls that we should stuff it, be meek, mild and pleasing to everyone. The down side to this is we then turn that anger on ourselves and it manifests in a plethora of ways. Women tend to, starve themselves, cut themselves or go to wild extremes of dangerous behaviors. We end up loathing ourselves and to prove that we are worthless bitches continue to punish and torture ourselves. So, lets take a walk and see where these thoughts come from shall we? Well, it all starts here...........
That's right, Adam and Eve. We are supposedly responsible for (horriflying music intro) ORIGINAL SIN... That's right, only we are. We have been deamed so evil that man using his own brain and self control couldn't make his own decision to not eat that apple. God forbid man should take responsibility for his own actions so lets blame it on the woman. What? You mean we have so much power that patriartrical society is powerless to control their own actions? Damn. (disclaimer: I am in no means dogging the boys here just the societal perceptions of the sexes)
So, seen as it was only male prophets that were wise enough to write a control based book, ie: Bible, it would seem that this book is a bit one sided. Apparently God is a male also according to the spin doctor's. I happen to believe myself that God encompasses both male and female attributes, after all we were created in his image.... unless of course God is a rib then slather on the bar-b-que sauce and let's have us a Holy Ho Down.
Oh I know I just pissed off some serious right wing Christian's with that blasphemy.
Let's go one step further shall we....grab your shorts on this one.
Maybe Satan, ie: the serpent in the garden that I may add looks very phallic is indeed..........wait for it........Symbolism for the male penis..... and testosterone is Satan's bitch boy.
So that would then make.....the penis, which I think most people will agree, has a brain of it's own, is the cause of what? Original Sin. Maybe, just maybe, (I'm all about possibilities now) we were in the Garden of Eden as Hermaphrodites and maybe, just maybe, by eating the fruit of the tree there we were punished by splitting our true selves into male and female and maybe, just maybe, this created the self loathing of the feminine side of ourselves because that side is the emotional side. Dare I say the side of the voice of reason? The side not run by aggressive, testosterone laden hormones?
I can just see it now, Adam wakes up after God rips out a rib and says, Damn, I'm so glad that part of me that is weak and illogical is gone. I'm kind of loving this new sense of power surging through my hormonal system, yeah, heck God, can I go kick some ass in your name?
So maybe our journey here on earth, our purpose if you will, is to combine both aspects of our male and female sides together as one again so there can finally be some friggin harmony?
It's perfectly acceptable in our society that males are tough, strong, powerful, snuff chewing, ass kicking, beer drinking, woman beating son's of bitches. That's is after all what being a man's man is all about. Macho. But, if a man should be in touch with his feminine side they are immediately tossed to the ground and called demeaning names. Case in point.... A Minister now, man of God (and I use that term lightly in his case) said this:
Pastor Sean Harris says:
There you have it folks.......that right there is where the shit hits the fan. I can just imagine Jesus at the Sermon on the Mound giving that fine, fine, wisdom to the masses. So you can see where a female or any child for that matter could get a little angry.
So on we go. According to the bible there are about 3 main types of women that we should look at.
The VIRGIN
The SUBSERVIENT MOTHER
or in modern times the Oven.
THE WHORE/PROSTITUTE
OH and lets not forget the popular modern version...........
THE BITCH
So lets take a look at the different types and their role in modern society.
1. The Virgin
The most highly prized version of spiritual femininity. Untouched, pure, but still the cause of Original Sin. An angry female child that has been used, abused and made to feel less then dirt won't stay a virgin long. All that pent up rage is going to come out as being #3 the Whore or #4 the Bitch.
So much is this type of woman valued, cause we are property of men per the bible, that in some countries if she were to be raped by someone an act that is totally out of her control/power...... She is sent to the middle of town buried up to her waist and they stone her to death. The rapist is charged like 3 goats to the father for his loss. What is rape about? Anger. In this case it manifested in the rape of an innocent young girl who's only dream in life is a husband and making her father proud.
2. The Subservient Mother
This woman according to the bible is to be subservient to her husband in all things. I mean ALL things. Breed when told, pop out as many children as possible, raise said children, wash and clean everything and then a hot meal on the table for her man. Then repeat. He at any time can go and have as many adulterous relationships as he sees fit even though it is a sin and if caught maybe a few goats need to be paid out. If GOD forbid, she should do the same.....death, divorce and the stigma of Original Sin, destitution and starving children if of course aloud to keep them because they are of course the PROPERTY of the man.
So tired, worn out, raped most likely, depressed and beat down....yeah, there is anger seething in there. Here come those dangerous behaviors like booze, drugs, unprotected sex, starving oneself, cutting, suicide. Or in modern times pushed way to far.......Pulling a Bobbit. There is a lot of anger there.
3. The Whore/Prostitute
She is the one that for all her life she has been either sexually abused, had no Daddy in her life and therefore never felt loved. She is the sexualized piece of meat in the window, a product you can buy but don't marry her... This woman things so little of herself that she sells her body as the commodity she was taught it was. After all the bible states the woman is the man's property.
If you don't think there is seething anger in this woman you best think again.
4. The Bitch
In today's world if you do not follow the strict moral and christian code of what a demure woman is supposed to be. If you speak your mind and express your anger in a healthy way. If you play the game like the men. You are a BITCH. Women aren't supposed to be so manly so she must be a bitch.
So what has all of this ranting lead to in helping my friend. Not much but it was a fun rant but this is what I wanted to say to help all women really.
In the early 80's I went through a program called EST. Got you in touch with what was really going on within yourself that acted out in your real life. I watched a woman angry at her parents literally tear apart a steel chair.
The one thing I learned there that sticks with me to this day is this:
You "choose" to have those feelings and reactions and stuff them down to fester or you "CHOOSE" to really look at them...feel them...cry, scream, beat the living shit out of a bed mattress, take a baseball bat to some bales of hay and you get your anger out in a HEALTHY way. Unless you CHOOSE to not live in fear of your emotions you will live with them running havoc in your life. You will attract the same people over and over again till you change the vibration of those negative emotions.
BITCH, WHORE, BAD MOTHER, whatever word you are called. It's only a word and it only has power if you "CHOOSE" to let it have power over you.
I've been there and I've done that and I CHOOSE to deal with those emotions and transform them into something that works wonderful thing in my life.
