Scene: Family is happily sleeping other than I of course. I am reclined on the couch with my trusty June Bug Killer, Loki, when from the corner of my eye what do I see.......Why a tricky little mouse with some huge ego. She stared at me from the cover of the chair fabric. Sizing me up. Wondering in her little Ninja skills if she could scurry across the room hit the wall and make her way over to the dog dish where a plethra of kibble awaited her twitching whiskers. I shall call my nemesis, Trinity, because the little bitch moves like she were in the Matrix.
Don't let that cute little face fool you. She is a professional whore and is happily breeding under my trailer. My first experience with Trinity was when I was sitting on my throne doing my business. My husband had repaired the floor in the bathroom and of course left a hole around the pipes big enough for an army of ninja mice to get through. As I sat there, again, from the corner of my eye I see a moving object. Damned if it was a very pregnant Trinity shooting past into the bathroom in my direction when she did a matrix move and shot right under me and down the hole. Where the hell is Loki? Damn dog is part rat terrier why isn't he trying to nab her!
Now mice around here aren't anything new but the little bastard's are getting smarter.
Once we no longer had professional killers around (cats) the little bastard's got wise to my glue traps. Oh sure I caught about 10 of them but I think they have a special gene splicing lab under my refrigerator where they are breeding specialty mice. Breeding out dim mice that easily go for the bait and become stuck to Ninja mice that manage to jump around, over and maybe even through a time warp tunnel through said traps. (It could happen)
So Trinity has set forth her genetically altered offspring and they won't step on the glue traps. By the way for those of you who don't like to kill your prey, you can safely get them off said glue traps by pouring vegetable oil around them on the trap. I watched a video doing just that.
So I says to myself, "self, you need to find a better mouse trap" So I did extensive research on the subject (lots of youtube videos) and found some awesome contraptions. One I already knew about as my uncle used to use it but I don't feel like drowning the mouse just moving them to another county.
So the other day my purchase arrived...
The Eaton, J.T. Repeater Multiple Catch Mouse Trap
I got three of them! Sleek and stylish metal trap with two ways in and one way out (me) it also has a fabulous upper window so you don't have to shake the trap to hear the squeeling mouse within you just look. This trap also has the added feature of air holes in the sides so I can give the scent of mutant mouse to Loki without hurting said mouse. I can see the training now...
O.K. Loki, Mommy wants you to catch the mouse.
"Duh, the June Bug?"
No, boy, the mouse, here sniff this.
"Um, I smell peanut butter"
Yes, Loki, but that's the bait, smell the small furry creature inside past the peanut butter smell.
"Um, piss?"
No, boy, that is correct the furry creature wet itself but that isn't the mouse."
"OOO OOO OOO, something moved in there Mom!"
Yes, Loki, that moving little creature is the mouse and it's up to you to protect Mommy from them.
"But it has such cute sad eyes Mom"
Look past it Loki, it is a genetically mutant mouse that wants to eat YOUR FOOD!
"WHAT THE FUCK! I shall get you mouse! No one eats my food except maybe Bella"
So that is pretty much how our conversation would go.
All the while Trinity is in her secret lab continuing to do training on her mutant offspring.
I know she uses shock therapy because when she is working the lights dim.
So, after the night she shot across the floor in front of me with mocking laughter I decided to get out my peppermint essential oil. Mice don't like the smell apparently and I haven't seen Trinity in a few days. So, I have my new traps set up one under the chair she likes to move through and another one under my art table where she heads to the wall. Baited it will a smear of peanut butter because who knew that if you give them a big blob of peanut butter it can kill them cause they aren't able to puke. So, just a smear of temptation on the walkway, a tiny blob on the inside with doggy kibble placed in it. I should have known after the peppermint oil it is going to take a bit for her to show her face again as the traps were empty this morning.
I SHALL GET YOU TRINITY!
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