I'm not Smoking Babaganoush Bloggery

Nope still day one.  SHIT.

I am however starting to calm down a little bit....mentos and I am sure the help of ativan assisted in doing that for now.  In between the sleeping through it, rocking like a lunatic in a straight jacket taking prisoner against her WILL and constant tapping of feed together I'm doing fairly o.k. depending on what subject you should bring up to me as this week has some serious heavy duties choices to make which make me very depressed and angry. Mentos Babaganoush Mentos Mentos Mentos Mentos.....


I shall buy stock in Mentos me thinks till of course the foul resurrection of taste buds comes creeping into the night at which time I will no longer be able to eat anything as everything tastes like you have poured 500 tons of salt or pepper on it.  I will most likely be living on instant GMO's and salad with no dressing.  Mentos 

So, now that I have calmed down for a second or two I shall share with you the very SURREAL kinda WONKY world of my hypnosis.  Damn, I am feeling like I am going to say something smart and witty and I don't smoke Babaganoush pass the mento.


We shall call my hypnotist the Hatter, only because I adore him and we go down into the trenches etc. etc.and I believe in anonymity unless said forthwith person should choose to become known in his true name, so not my choice.  Then my paranoid side says, Hey wait a minute....Government mind control uses images of Alice in 'Wonderland and the Wizard of Oz to get control of you so I am on high alert now.  Yes, I have an obvious paranoid side...ask anyone who truly knows me unless it is a family member than I will deny the fact.

O.K. back to point.  This hypnosis stuff is strangely familiar, a bit silly in parts but a very real state of consciousness.  It is when one gets to the silly stuff that my analytical mind starts turning on and analysing the process of what is going on.  I know I'm out but I also know that my eyes are open and I am aware of what is being asked of me and kind of go along for the ride so to speak.  Then out I go again.  Now I'm not going to give you absolute specifics as to what happens that takes away the fun of doing it for yourself...and you know you want to try this for yourself.  At least you do if your truly serious about making a change/transformation.  I WAS STUCK IN A RUT DRAGGING MY BUTT...  sorry for that outburst.  My lovely daughter is making me mashed GMO's to eat...sometimes she actually wuvs me...sometimes.

MENTOS.....So part of the process included meeting your higher self/guide and meeting your angels/spirit guides and getting messages in trance state.  I had an idea of who would come through though....so I shall share the messages that came through for me to write down and keep....

Up first:

My higher selfs agreement:
I will go weightless every time life, anxiety, despair try to take over your life.  We will be weightless.   WEIGHTLESS...

Now my higher self/guide Ms. Carthwrite and Nyla...

Their message to me:

Child....don't you know Nyla and I are always here to support and love you?  You are never without us.  Stop punishing yourself Darling.  No need for it.  Perfect just the way you are.
You have lots to share child, lots of love but you need to Trust.  Don't need no fear with Nyla walking next to you.  Relax and Breathe.
You is loved always and forever and you can do anything you set your mind to.  Just get out cha own way.  you are special, now know it, feel it, live it.

Nyla and I love you Always,
Ms. Cartwright.

The final message was from spirit guides and I'm like super tired so here goes quick.



We will always be with you.  Al you need do is ask.  You have a hard time asking for help, this we know but we will never deny you.  We are here to bring to you your highest good.
TRUST. 

We love you and your spirit this is why we choose you.  Your light is bright let it shine.



O.K., now if the crazy shadow people would stop walking past me....I shall sleep now....
Yeah.

The I Don't Smoke Babaganoush Bloggery.

This day, 31st of August in the year of our Lord, 2011, is and shall hereby always remain in effect for all purposes etc. etc. Day 1 of I don't smoke Babaganoush Bloggery.

Everytime you see the words:  Mentos, Babaganoush these are the times that my mind looks to the left or right for a  white thing to put in my mouth.  Watch how often when I am even trying to be creative it creeps it's ugly head.  I shall cap/italise so that you know it is the inner voices making their demands.

I was/am/could be/perhaps by chance was a hard wired smoker.  I say hard wired because every friggin little thing I do from waking in the morning with cig in mouth,Mentos, before even rolling over to walking into the bathroom, brushing my death, and being creative all involved that damn appendage/crutch/mutant growth hanging precariously from my lip usually dropping it's waste products upon my shirt in which to permanently mark me with a big hole Mentos....This bitch is mine.  This in effect means that as I sit here typing and trying ever so hard to be witty there is an obsessive need Mentos to find that white stick of torture but instead I am chewing voraciously I may add on Mentos after Mentos after Mentos reminding myself in my head, I don't smoke Babaganoush.

The interesting thing about using hypnosis to remind you that you don't smoke and never have is it allowed for some reason my inner anger to manifest.  My self loathing that was contained in the paper wrapped bundle that should be sacred but like all things sacred is reduced to a mass of chemically laden hand fulls of beans, which I may add really pissed off, Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk fame.  I don't smoke Babaganoush/Mentos and Weightless.  Don't get me wrong I am taking this whole process VERY seriously and this is just my attempts to use my tools as I'm creating because I'm being bombarded with signals from the trenches, "Hey, you would be so much more creative if you smoked."  "But I don't smoke, Babaganoush".

I shall push through this momentary struggle as in doing so I create creation without "them" so to speak.  I push myself, testing 1,2,3 and although I sound like a raving lunatic and quite possibly am, I am not.  It is the inner monolog going on in my head that I make you privy too.

Don't you feel the most LUCKY AND SPECIAL? 

Back again to anger......sssspt.  Surprisingly to me.....while I was under and enormous amount of rage and fury was coming up and out even my little pores.  (Mentos) Now the gentleman I'm working with is great and I shall continue to work with him.  We aren't using a traditional hypnosis protocol which is cool cause it works faster but it also at least for me, brought up into my awareness how insidious my sub conscious works me.  Babaganoush.  (Insert intermission to find appropriate music to drown out and confuse the inner enemy.)

Mentos.....Back to the anger.....the sticks not only were connected with removing my anxiety but they played a very large part in containment of stuffed down, way down in the trenches anger.  Imagine the gutter lid laying on the street....it's hot, humid and the steam is rising from the holes in the lid.....  my lid is steaming....so if I should, Babaganoush, seem oh, angry, avoidant, snippy even......it isn't about you...it is about me learning to deal with these things without my crutch, Babaganoush.  I had someone mention to me and I do realise their was love behind the comment but the comment in my frame of mind, "think about the destination" set off a huge rolling inner dialog of well, words not acceptable in polite society. Mentos MF Babaganoush it's ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY.....the destination is just the perk, the mint on your pillow top, the dangling doggy treat to distract you from what the FUCK is causing the need/want/compulsion to do what your doing.  If I am not paying attention to the Journey how the hell does one see and become aware of and deal with the triggers that Babaganoush got me in this vicious circle in the first place...  I love denial but I like to throw it away....as I prance like a pretty pony through town shouting from the rooftops my "secrets".  Did I say, I am the black sheep?  Yea..Mentos 

I know have figured out why white sticks were impossible for me to let go....Alcoholism....stopped no treatment no problem at 20 mind you.  9 years on prescription Oxycontin/Oycodone.....stopped no problem no treatment.  I don't smoke Babaganoush was my dynamite sticks.  My inner rage and well, self loathing....and they are now screaming,  "WHO IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!" 

OOOOOOlalalalalalalala.  so now, I am hoping to make a daily I don't smoke Babaganoush blog to let my mind fumble and flit about as I therapize myself through the dynamite sticks....   I love a good fight.  Mentos...Babaganoush