Everytime you see the words: Mentos, Babaganoush these are the times that my mind looks to the left or right for a white thing to put in my mouth. Watch how often when I am even trying to be creative it creeps it's ugly head. I shall cap/italise so that you know it is the inner voices making their demands.
I was/am/could be/perhaps by chance was a hard wired smoker. I say hard wired because every friggin little thing I do from waking in the morning with cig in mouth,Mentos, before even rolling over to walking into the bathroom, brushing my death, and being creative all involved that damn appendage/crutch/mutant growth hanging precariously from my lip usually dropping it's waste products upon my shirt in which to permanently mark me with a big hole Mentos....This bitch is mine. This in effect means that as I sit here typing and trying ever so hard to be witty there is an obsessive need Mentos to find that white stick of torture but instead I am chewing voraciously I may add on Mentos after Mentos after Mentos reminding myself in my head, I don't smoke Babaganoush.
The interesting thing about using hypnosis to remind you that you don't smoke and never have is it allowed for some reason my inner anger to manifest. My self loathing that was contained in the paper wrapped bundle that should be sacred but like all things sacred is reduced to a mass of chemically laden hand fulls of beans, which I may add really pissed off, Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk fame. I don't smoke Babaganoush/Mentos and Weightless. Don't get me wrong I am taking this whole process VERY seriously and this is just my attempts to use my tools as I'm creating because I'm being bombarded with signals from the trenches, "Hey, you would be so much more creative if you smoked." "But I don't smoke, Babaganoush".
I shall push through this momentary struggle as in doing so I create creation without "them" so to speak. I push myself, testing 1,2,3 and although I sound like a raving lunatic and quite possibly am, I am not. It is the inner monolog going on in my head that I make you privy too.
Don't you feel the most LUCKY AND SPECIAL?
Back again to anger......sssspt. Surprisingly to me.....while I was under and enormous amount of rage and fury was coming up and out even my little pores. (Mentos) Now the gentleman I'm working with is great and I shall continue to work with him. We aren't using a traditional hypnosis protocol which is cool cause it works faster but it also at least for me, brought up into my awareness how insidious my sub conscious works me. Babaganoush. (Insert intermission to find appropriate music to drown out and confuse the inner enemy.)
Mentos.....Back to the anger.....the sticks not only were connected with removing my anxiety but they played a very large part in containment of stuffed down, way down in the trenches anger. Imagine the gutter lid laying on the street....it's hot, humid and the steam is rising from the holes in the lid..... my lid is steaming....so if I should, Babaganoush, seem oh, angry, avoidant, snippy even......it isn't about you...it is about me learning to deal with these things without my crutch, Babaganoush. I had someone mention to me and I do realise their was love behind the comment but the comment in my frame of mind, "think about the destination" set off a huge rolling inner dialog of well, words not acceptable in polite society. Mentos MF Babaganoush it's ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY.....the destination is just the perk, the mint on your pillow top, the dangling doggy treat to distract you from what the FUCK is causing the need/want/compulsion to do what your doing. If I am not paying attention to the Journey how the hell does one see and become aware of and deal with the triggers that Babaganoush got me in this vicious circle in the first place... I love denial but I like to throw it away....as I prance like a pretty pony through town shouting from the rooftops my "secrets". Did I say, I am the black sheep? Yea..Mentos
I know have figured out why white sticks were impossible for me to let go....Alcoholism....stopped no treatment no problem at 20 mind you. 9 years on prescription Oxycontin/Oycodone.....stopped no problem no treatment. I don't smoke Babaganoush was my dynamite sticks. My inner rage and well, self loathing....and they are now screaming, "WHO IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!"
OOOOOOlalalalalalalala. so now, I am hoping to make a daily I don't smoke Babaganoush blog to let my mind fumble and flit about as I therapize myself through the dynamite sticks.... I love a good fight. Mentos...Babaganoush
I'm so proud of you, I hope you truly know this! I'm glad you're going to stick it out and continue to work with him. If you need any thing at all, you know how to get a hold of me :) Love and lots of long-distance hugs (real ones when you're ready!)
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