Walls bending in warped vice grips
Into darkness I succumb.
I'm entering a very dark, dark, dark state of mind. I could be crazy but crazy people don't know they are crazy so there is that.
So, just to rant away, I shall.
I feel most like the solitary wanderer in the wastelands of life. I'm tired both physically and mentally with this thing called existence. Cosmic craziness pushing down constantly, pulling and pushing and tearing me to shreds. To be very honest, I have had for over a week constant suicidal thoughts. The sweet dirt nap is looking really good. But lets face it, I won't follow through as that would take more effort than my body has at this point.
Of course I don't talk about it as who the hell wants to follow me down the rabbit hole of darkness. No one in their right mind. I'm tired of trying to make connections with people and still remaining on the outskirts, wayyyyyyyyyyy over there. I sometimes, well lets face it, always wonder what the hell is wrong with me but in the immortal words of my husband, "Whatever".
I find myself set off in anger mode reading the happy happy positive messages I read on FB. Try as I might to keep that positive attitude it makes me want to pull my spine out right now. I feel totally shut out, shut down, lackluster ed, as I feel my body just cave inward to escape the pain. But again, Whatever.
I should just go live in a cave in Tibet and maybe that would help....Don't know
Feeling lost.......
Update: At 11:00 a.m. these words popped into my head......
"The Dark Night of the Soul" Google it.. Big light bulb moment.
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